I'm actually a primary school teacher and busy with my family (three kids: Sam, Reuben and Carissa).
I spent some time tinkering around drawing illustrations for a children's book I wrote but just really struggled with what I envisaged in my head and my ability (or lack of) to produce the same thing on paper. I ended up having a break from the kidlit scene and moving onto writing YA.
Now, I'm struggling with with the same thing in my WIP - knowing what I want my story to be and the gap between my vision and the actual words. I am such a harsh critic of my own work that I wonder if I actually hinder myself ever getting anywhere because I often focus on my shortcomings and not on my progress or strengths. Does anyone else ever feel like this?
Also, I keep reading some of the best writing out there and comparing myself to the most gifted of illustrators and just deflating at my own floundering progress. And feeling like the reality of me getting published is not really a reality at all.
Other times though - brilliant writing and artwork inspires me to stop being so lazy and stretch my creativity muscles and really throw all I can into accomplishing things.
What are you like? Does brilliance inspire you or sometimes get you down? or both, depending?
So last night I was feeling a bit flat about everything and I pulled out some of my own work and instead of looking for flaws I just felt kinda proud that I can start with a blank piece of paper and change it in to something. The same with my first MS - to take a story out of nothing an breathe life into those characters is something that only I did. And no matter how lame and cringe-y some parts are - I think it's worth celebrating that I gave it a go.
I'm so up and down with how I feel about writing and I don't even know what this post is about. Maybe about dreams and getting older and still feeling so far away from things I felt I'd do as an adult when I was a kid. And about me learning not to be so hard on myself but also learning how to push myself.
I guess I just wonder if anyone else gets hung up on the same things.
And I just want to say, hey, me too.
And I love the thought of all you guys out there giving it a go and even though some of you are on the other side of the globe, your blogs and emails and own accomplishments inspire me to push through and hold onto that little kid seed inside of me that believes that one day I might be an author or illustrator when I grow up :)
And, here's a pic I drew for a book (ahh, that I've since abandoned...but am thinking maybe it's worth giving it another go?) and yay for the end of winter here! Spring in two days!
A cropped shot of my winter pic in progress
The left side
The right side
Sorry for my slightly ramble-y post. Love you guys :)